Anger Management Course - You Can Win Against Anger Addiction

by James A. Baker
(May, 2011. Recovery Today)

(Overcoming addictive anger patterns is difficult, lifelong journey, just like dealing with any other addiction. Along the way, a few people take the time to stop and say thanks, and it is letters like these that keep us going. JAB)

Anger Management Course - No One Wins the Blame Game


anger management

For a long time I justified my rotten behavior by telling myself - as well as my ex-wife and my current wife - that it was no big deal because I has never (well, hardly ever) physically violent. It took me a really long time to finally admit that verbal abuse was just as bad and wrong as physical abuse. I was awful to my wife. I would yell, scream, call her names, break dishes, punch the walls, make threats, and all sorts of awful junk like that. All the time, I would be telling myself that she deserved it, she started it, I needed to step up and take control or I was going to lose my credibility as a man. What a ****head I was.

I wasn't a total jerk all the time. I would usually eventually apologize after I calmed down and started feeling guilty. And I tried to make it up to her. I bought her nice things; I even took her on a cruise. Once I even tried to buy us a nicer house in a better neighborhood. That deal fell through because of a poor credit score, probably the results of too much credit card debt because of all the other apology gifts I had gotten for her during the past year (LOL!). The funny thing is, a lot of our fights were about money. I would start yelling at her for spending too much money, but I was probably spending more than she was in order to make up for my bad behavior.

Things finally came to a head about 6 months ago. We went to the movies. After standing in line to buy sodas and popcorn, we were headed into the theater when my wife tripped and dropped a 24-ounce cup of soda. It splashed all over my shoes and my pants. I just immediately started yelling at her for being so clumsy and ruining my clothes. Of course, she started yelling back at me and begging me to pipe down and stop embarrassing her. I shoved her, she shoved back, and I pinned her arms and pushed her against the wall. I told myself I was just trying to get her under control. The theater manager called the police and I was carted off to jail and charged with simple battery and spousal abuse.

Anger Management Course - Here Is Your Safe House

That's when reality finally started to settle in. I spent the night in jail, I had to pay a fine, and the judge gave my wife a protective order. I had to move out of the house, and the judge ordered me to get anger counseling. All of a sudden, I wasn't just out of the house, I was in the outhouse.

I decided to search on the Internet for information about anger problems and verbal abuse and stuff like that. That is how I came across the Anger Management Training Institute (HYPERLINK "" I found out that the founder, James Baker, had written this book called The Anger Busting Workbook, which helps people with anger and verbal abuse issues work on their problems. I also found out that they offer an anger management course based on the principles in the workbook for people like me who are court-ordered to get some help.

I contacted Mr. Baker through the website and he answered me right back. Mr. Baker told me that if I would buy a copy of the Workbook for myself and my wife, he would give me access to the online version of this class for free. I couldn't believe it. I took him right up on it, and worked on the course every day for a couple of weeks. I was really motivated; I didn't want to lose another marriage. I love my wife - even though I had a lousy way of showing it. The truth is, I was sick of myself and had been for a long time. I was ready to change. I just didn't know how.

Anger Management Course - It's Time For Change

I can't really explain to you what a difference the workbook and the whole course have made in my life. I have learned so much, and it made me face myself in ways that I never thought I could. I have found some tools that have helped me change the way I think and the way I behave. Eventually, I moved from the outhouse to only being in the doghouse with my wife. When I finished the course, they sent me a certificate that the court accepted. However, I have repeated the course on my own, and my wife and I have re-read the workbook again. It has a whole section - three chapters - written for the woman's side of the situation and that really helped her deal with me differently, too.

I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. This material helped me a lot, but I still have a long way to go. I can see now that I am kind of like addicted to anger, and I have to practice what I have learned every day if I don't want to screw up again. I would just say to all those other million guys out there with this same problem, you don't have to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Get help. Contact the Anger Management Training Institute or any of the other programs online or in your town that can help you deal with anger. Life can be better, man. Don't waste it.

Just about a week ago, my wife was finally ready for me to move back into the house, and I am so happy. I guess you could say I have gone from the outhouse to the doghouse and finally, back in the white house. I'm not proud of who I have been, but I am glad for what I have finally done about it. My wife and I are both looking forward to the future for the first time in a long time. I just wanted to say thanks to Mr. Baker and the people in his program who took the time to help out a guy like me.
Sincerely, AJ

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